The Roller Coaster Ride of Motherhood

Since Mother's Day I've been processing all that it is for me to be a mom personally. It is something I've always wanted to be and something that I love very much. In fact I wouldn't trade it for anything. However, I also feel like it is the hardest thing I've ever done in my life. The title of this blog happens to be the theme for my MOPS (mothers of pre schoolers) group next semester and I can not think of a better way to describe it. The thing I love most about it is the opportunity to be there for my boys almost all the time. It is such a precious feeling knowing that I make them feel better, I set everything right in their little world and if I can't fix it, no one can. I love being their world and making their life happy. I love calming fears and kissing tears. I love picking them up each day and telling them how much I love them and how glad I am to have them a part of my life. They bring me joy and laughter every day. They love me and listen to me every day. I am their mom, and I am so proud to be so.

On the flip side:
The hardest part about being a mom (for me) is the range of emotions I feel every day. It is so exhausting. There is a lot of work but everyone works - it is the emotional highs and lows that I find the most difficult. At some point every day my boys push me to the point of frustration, even to the point of anger. Every day I exercise extreme patience, I would even say supernatural patience (because I know it's not in me). In some instances I feel like I am faking it, that I am just faking being patient to keep things from getting worse. However, some days I don't make it - I can't fake it and I loose it. I yell. I get angry. I over react. It is in these moments that I feel so disappointed in myself and that is a hard thing to deal with. Thankfully I have never said anything that I regret. I've never said anything mean to my boys or husband, but I've acted in ways that I am ashamed of. It just can be so difficult correcting the same things over and over, especially when Brady hurts Mac. Before I had kids I hardly ever got angry, I would go days even weeks without getting worked up and now every day I am confronted with some form of this emotion, it is difficult to process. It is hard not to be upset with myself for feeling it too, so for me this is the hardest, it is this that makes me so thankful for the Lord's grace and I pray that he helps me to be more like him everyday.
This video was taken on Sunday. Tony had to leave for a service early and Mac didn't get to see him before he left. While we were getting ready for church he went to our glass door and was calling "Da Da" 20 times or so. I tried to grab the camera to film it for Tony but got there too late and got a video of what we call "Mackie Do meltdown" - it's so precious how a little love makes him feel so much better - uh the power of mommy's love. He's so precious, despite the cryfest. Please don't think I'm cruel for filming this, it happens all day long and I think makes an unplanned illustration of my point.